


Glass

by janetcarter



Category: His Dark Materials (TV)
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Pre-Canon, Pregnancy, Trying not to cry, death scare, dysfunctional masriel, implied self harm through daemons, obvs we know asriel is fine but marisa doesn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28360203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janetcarter/pseuds/janetcarter
Summary: A pregnant Marisa struggles to contain her emotions around Edward upon learning Asriel's expedition group has gone missing.
Relationships: Lord Asriel/Marisa Coulter
Kudos: 39
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	Glass

**Author's Note:**

> For the Bad Things Happen Bingo prompt "Trying not to cry."

It was all over the newspaper Edward was reading.

It took everything in Marisa to not tear it out of his hands and search for the slightest confirmation that it was an over-exaggeration to sell papers. The words were bolded and loud on the page: "ARCTIC EXPEDITION GROUP MISSING." They were even louder in her head.

She felt as though the world was spinning, causing her to grip the back of an armchair for stability. Her stomach, 6 months pregnant with Asriel's child, did not help her balance; nor did it help her panic. Her daemon looked up at her abdomen with worried eyes, as though he were _asking_ her to kick him.

She and Asriel had gotten into an argument before his departure. He hadn't written, hadn't dramatically postponed to make amends, hadn't thought for a single moment that going off on a dangerous expedition and leaving her and their child all alone would be the most selfish, inconsiderate move he could possibly make.

And now, plummeting beneath her already low expectations, he might have died in the process.

As much as she flippantly wished Asriel dead during their frequent fights, the thought of never seeing him again, never feeling his lips against her own or his discreet hand on her back, never experiencing his reaction to meeting their child…

It was too much.

She should have just left right then and there, but she instead took a deep breath and, to the best of her abilities, strode across the room. She found a place to stand behind Edward's own chair and gripped the metallic backing painfully tight when she saw a photo of Asriel's group showcased on the page.

She forced herself to smile, hoping to convince herself that all was well long enough to get through this conversation. Leaning forward to read made her back ache, and so after reluctantly kissing his cheek she asked, "Anything interesting, darling?"

"Hmm?" Finally pulling himself from the words, which Marisa was squinting to try to read, he briefly looked up at her through the rims of his spectacles. His eyes were glued to the newspaper once again, but it felt as though one glance were all it took to see right through her. "You know that fellow, Asriel Belacqua?"

Hearing that name come from his mouth, even pronounced incorrectly, sent a shock through her. She made a fist at her side to keep her from reaching for her daemon. Edward's, a small lizard on his other shoulder, kept whipping its head toward the monkey. "I'm unsure."

"You might've met him at a party or two. I've provided his team funding for several of their trips…" He turned the page just when her vision had begun to focus and she felt her nostril twitch. "A good thing I hadn't for this one."

He was so casual, so unbothered, meanwhile her heart pounded so intensely it _hurt._ His daemon looked up at her, and so she stroked her stomach as though the baby had kicked. "And why is that?"

"His group has gone missing! If they're dead, there's no profit."

She thought she had left the morning sickness behind a trimester ago, but nausea gripped her throat. She squeezed her sweet tone past it. "Are they?"

"What, dead? No bodies have been found, if that's what you're asking."

"So then…" Her vision was blurring. She clenched her teeth, blinked, and continued speaking despite everything in her screaming to stop. "So then how do they know they're missing?"

"They're three weeks late returning down the mountain."

One of the many symptoms of her body's betrayal, probably the most unfortunate, was an inability to control her emotions. And so, when her face began to contort, she was convinced it was all over for her. No matter how hard she tried to suppress herself, or even use _comfort_ when that did not work, it was impossible to ignore the sheer terror running over every inch of her skin.

Asriel was not reliable. She knew this from experience.

But three entire weeks?

If he was hurt, it was what he deserved.

But if he was gone…

"Marisa?" Edward had asked it once, she thought, but she did not notice until her daemon tugged at her dress. Thankfully, Edward's negligence finally benefitted her in that neither he nor his daemon had looked up in that time.

She cleared her throat. "I… I think I'll go see how breakfast is coming along."

"Do remind Fiona to make my tea this time. It's a wonder what we pay her for at all…"

She was increasingly conscious of her unsteady walk as she and her monkey left the room. Only several seconds were allotted to scanning the hallway for waitstaff before hot tears flooded her cheeks. She managed to lock herself in the nearest bathroom before anyone saw, nearly shutting her daemon outside.

She was glad she had not, because she needed him here for this. She should not have brought up Asriel of all people to Edward. She should have taken the headline at face value and been patient rather than foolishly drawing attention to their relationship. She should not have cared enough to even inquire, let alone become a sobbing mess so close to her husband all because Asriel, the man who had hardly spoken to her since he learned of her pregnancy, _might_ be gone.

And yet she cried tears he did not deserve, and continued crying until she could hardly breathe.

The monkey looked up at her with eyes sadder than her own. With one hand firm against her stomach, the other reached for his fur. 


End file.
